Today I experienced one of the longest 45 minutes I have ever had to endure. I sat outside a room with a mother, who had silent tears rolling down her cheeks while her son sat in a small room by himself crying, wailing and screaming.
We have a student who is 8 years old and has a complex disability including some cognitive impairment. He is now attending school regularly but he cried at the drop of the hat, especially if mum's not there. Mum is required to hang around school as there are no personal care attendants who work at the school. Additionally, it would be highly expensive to hire people for the children's most basic care needs.
The crying has become disruptive to the classroom environment. Due to his cognitive impairment, there is limited ability to reason with him to behave in the classroom. So instead, he cries and cries and cries. In the past, the solution has been for mum to be called in, pick him up and nurse him until he stops crying. Myself and the teachers at school have realised that this can't continue if he is to grow to be as independent as he can possibly be. So we decided to implement "time-out".
The plan was to lie the student down on the mat and wait until he stopped crying. Today, he cried as soon as mum left the room. He was crying because he either mum had left or he didn't particularly want to participate in the song that was being sung. We moved him quickly into our time-out space to let him cry. He cried, and cried and cried. We had left him with the door ajar and I could see him from my therapy room. Unfortunately, one of the other mothers at school saw him and called mum to go and pick him up.
This was the first time that mum had left her child to lie on the ground and cry on his own, alone in a room. She started to cry herself and it broke my heart to see her like this, let alone place a crying child in a room by himself. Some of the staff were being a bit insensitive to her and told her off for making her child like this. I couldn't stand how people were treating her, and though I had been stern with her myself a couple of days ago, I took her by the hand and told her that we would work through her child's crying together. I am not a psychologist or a counsellor but I don't think anyone else was even considering that she might've needed someone to talk to. I sat with her outside the room that her child was crying and explained why we were doing this.
To be honest, I really had no idea what I was doing. He didn't stop crying for an entire 45 minutes. He had a 45 second break in the middle of it, but the rest of the time, he cried, and cried and cried at the top of his lungs - I think I might be dreaming about his cries tonight.
So I'm not sure - I put it to anyone out there. What on earth should I do? Was 45 minutes along in a room staring at his mother's back too long? Do we keep persisting? Is this causing damage to this child's psychological state?
Here's me signing off and once again, stepping way out of my boundaries.
sounds genuinely awful!
ReplyDeletemy suggestion would be not to tear the mother away from the kid so suddenly but sit in a room together and try to teach them both about how to control their emotions. once they're down pat with that, tell them that managing the child's disorder will require some separation. then try the process a few times to see if they can manage. and do it in steps of like, first time for 5 min, second for 10, third for 20min etc.
anyway, sounds like you put your best foot forward which is all that can be expected of you! :)
Advice from the expert....
ReplyDeleteHi, I am a clinical psychologist. Although I specialise in adults, I am a behaviourist. What is happening may not be actual "time-out" as it is being applied to this situation. Time-out requires some understanding by the child of the situation at their intellectual and developmental level regarding the time-out, and the consequences. This situation does not seem to fit that criteria. In order to work, any response to inappropriate behaviour would need to be implemented across both the home and school environments with the understanding of all parties. Also before the implementation of a program of behaviour change, the behaviour itself including the primary and secondary reinforcers in the school and home environments would need to be evaluated and considered. The use of time-out at all is currently an area of debate within the field of child psychology as it can end up being a punishment to the child dependent upon temperament that exacerbates the poor behaviour rather than resolves it. Rather a series of positive reinforcers for good behaviour and a redirection of the child if they are engaging in disruptive behaviour is often more effective and easier on all parties. I don't believe that there would be any situation where a child would be left wailing for 45 mintues. At that point, he is likely out of control. The school may not be able to hire aids, but could they find the money for a child behaviour specialist to evaluate the situation and implement a positive reinforcer program across home and school? That would probably be the best outcome. My sympathies to both you and the mother. It is clear whatever is happening for the child - possibly punishment - this situation is punishing for you both. In such cases, if all parties are on the same page, those difficulties are shared. Sabura