SHOPPING IN FIJI

Recently, a friend who wanted to visit said that they weren't interested in any shopping "experiences" that Fiji had to offer. In most cases, I would totally understand the disinterest in shopping as it cheapens the whole experience of visiting another country...or it makes it more expensive - if you get what I mean (hur hur). However, I beg to differ. Shopping in Fiji is a unique, frustrating and confusing experience.

Example 1:
At the bread shop, they sell "white", "wholemeal" and "high fibre" bread. They sell each of these varieties in small, medium and large. Usually, I ask for a large wholemeal so I can share with Melina and Emily (my fellow housemates). Strangely enough, "wholemeal" also means "high fibre". So when I ask for a "large wholemeal" this can either be interpreted as a "large wholemeal" or a "medium high fibre". Get it? If you do, please tell me, becuase I'm still trying to figure it out. Right now, it's like a lucky dip everytime I go shopping for bread. I could come out with a wholemeal loaf, or a high fibre loaf. Either way, it's bread and I'm not so fussed.

Example 2:
The corner store is our one-stop-shop for all odd bits and pieces. You name it, they probably have it. Once, I went to ask for sticky tape. I was desperate for sticky tape. It was as if my life existance had suddenly become centered around sticky tape. As a last resort, I paid a visit to the corner store. I walked in and asked for sticky tape.

The response I got was: the eyebrow raise. (Refer to previous posts where I explain that the eyebrow raise can mean a myriad of things).

I asked the girl behind the counter again: Do you have cellotape? (thinking that the different wording might produce a different response).

The response I got was: eyebrow raise with a head nod to the right. I looked to the right and saw nothing but flour and two minute noodles.

I asked the girl behind the counter again: Can you please show me the cellotape?

The response I got was: *eyes rolling into the back of the girl's head* as she reaches behind the counter, where I can't see the sticky tape, and pulls out two sizes: ridiculously thin sticky tape, and ridiculously fat packing tape.

My response: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

The response from the girl: EYEBROW RAISE.

My response: The skinny one please.

Girl behind the counter: "which one you want??!??!"

My response: The. THIN. ONE. PLEASE.

Girl behind the counter: "50cents"

Example 3:
We went to the tailors to get a set of sulu and jaba made. We entered the shop and the direct response was:
"Go away, I'm busy. You come back in 2 weeks."

Example 4:
I need to buy a trampoline. I think that buying a trampoline for the school would be an amazing treatment tool. I think I walked into every shop that sold sporting equipment in Suva. I also believe that half of them didn't even know what I was talking about when I said: "trampoline".

However, I did find one shop...here's how it went:

Me: "Do you sell trampolines?"
Shop attendant: eyebrow raise

...awkward extended silence...

Me: "so...you have trampolines?"
Shop attendant: "yes"

...2nd prolonged awkward silence.

Me: "so...where's the trampoline?"
Shop attendant: "oh, you want to see it?"
Me: "that would be nice thanks."

Example 5:
The school is holding its annual bazaar on Saturday. At the last meeting, one of the teachers suggested that we sell balloons. They suggested that we sell balloons on sticks because helium is too expensive. However, no one knew where to find the balloon sticks with the ties.

While I was searching for trampolines (see above), I came across the balloon sticks and holders in a cardboard box at the back of a shop. I was so excited, I even rang Lauren just so I could tell someone else how excited I was to find the balloon sticks and ties/holders. I literally skipped up to the counter holding the balloon sticks and holders like I was a cat presenting it's owner with a dead bird.

Me: "How much for the balloons and their holders?"
Shop attendant: "where did you find that?"
Me: "over there"
Shop attendant: "you can't buy that"
Me: "why not?"
Shop attendant: "you can't buy that"
Me: "yes, but WHY not?"
Shop attendant: "It has no balloon"
Me; "but I don't want the balloon"
Shop attendant: "you wait, I find the balloon"

So I waited, and then when I felt like I'd been waiting too long, I went to the back of the shop to ask her how she was going. She gave me a look that was so dirty that my finger would have been covered in dirt had I stroked it across her face.

Shop attendant: "I can't find the balloons"
Me: "great, so can I buy it anyway? I didn't really want the balloons. How much is it?"
Shop attendant: "15cents each"
Me: "great, here's $15, can I have 100?"
Shop attendant: "you can't buy it!!!!"
Me: "But you just said it was 15cents.. and you don't have the balloons anyway, I don't want the balloons. If I bought it from you now with the balloons, I'd probably throw them away becasue I don't want them. No one wants to buy the sticks without the balloons except for me, so if you sell them to me, you're still making money from me. Even if the balloons turn up, I've still paid for them in which case you can save me time and throw away the balloons for me when they arrive."

By the way, the balloons that were meant to go on the sticks were crummy foil balloons that weren't inflated anyway. That's why I didn't really want them.

Shop attendant: "go ask my manager. He's over there"
Me: "where?"
Shop attendant: eyebrow raise and head motioning somewhere to my 4 o'clock.

---

Me to the store manager: "can I buy these?"
Manager: "what is it?"
Me: "balloon sticks and holders without the balloons because your suppliers forgot to send the balloons."
Manager: "You can't buy it. You need the balloon as well. I can't sell it without the balloon"
Me: "then I'll buy it with the balloon and throw it out when I get home. In fact, you can call me when you find the balloons and sell it to me later, or you can take my money now and save me the trouble of throwing out the balloons when you get them. I genuinely want to pay full price for an incomplete product. You're not losing money if I buy them from you."
Manager: "fine."

Now the sticks are bundled in groups of 100. There are 5 colours, so 5 lots of 100. Of course, I didn't want just ONE colour. I had to have a variety of colours. So I asked the manager again:

Me: Can I buy 20 of each colour?
Manager: "NO! you can't do that!"
Me: But if I buy one colour, you won't have any left of that colour because you only have 100 of each colour. What if I buy all of your yellow sticks and a child wants a balloon with a yellow stick? It's better if I take 20 of each colour so you have an even amount of each colour left over. Please can I buy 20 of each colour?
Manager: "Fine fine fine. Just buy and go"

Amanda wins.

Shopping in Fiji. Try it, you'll love it =)